“I messed up again, didn’t I?”

We sat on a grassy island, wrapped by a cold stream.

Keith stretched his legs until his heels almost skimmed the water. “Yeah, a little.”

I drew my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees. “I keep taking it out on every one else, and when I’m not, I’m at my own throat.”

He smiled that lazy smile, rolling over onto his back and propping his head up with the palm of his hand. “You know there’s only one person who can judge you. You don’t keep having to weigh your own sins and kindness against one another.”

I rested my face against my forearms, nose tucked into the space of my left elbow. “I haven’t heard Him in a long time. All he does is reach down to earth and pull me away from disaster. Then He’s gone. I’m still without any answer to where I’m supposed to go.”

Keith reached out and wrapped his hand around my golden brown braid. He stroked it down until it ended at the small of my back. “You’re standing in front of yourself.”

The affection only pushed me towards a quiet weeping, tear drops dusting the fine blonde hairs on my arms. “I can’t see beyond myself.”

“Bingo, kiddo. You know you can. Maybe one day you won’t need me anymore. Maybe you won’t need any of us anymore.”

I looked at him, horrified. “I can’t live without you. I can’t live without any of you. When everything goes wrong, you all fix it. You make the hurt go away. You make the loneliness bearable.”

Keigh sighed and released my braid. “Listen kid. The reason you’re brave is because of Violet. That ability to fight from your life is Jaha reaching through your arms. Galiena is your childhood. And well, you know who I am. The big brother you never had, the guy who makes sure your love doesn’t scatter like feathers.”

Tears surged again and I wiped my face on my wet arms, the skin slicker than ever. “That’s why I can’t–”

He moved to sit beside me and put an arm around my hunched shoulders, “You keep missing the most important thing. The thing you won’t acknowledge.”

I kept silent and pressed my palms against my ears, the cold metal of my earrings raising goosebumps on my flesh. “Please don’t.”

“You created us. You had all the ingredients. You were just afraid of what you would become if you didn’t compartmentalize. It’s like what you do with people. You always see them compassionately, but at the same time you’re repulsed by the selfishness of humanity.”

I objected, “I’m not any better than anyone else.”

Keith held up one hand, “I know, I know. I’m not saying that. Remember that one dream you had? That one emotion you can’t stop revering? It’s love and you know it. You’re afraid you’re not good enough to protect it. Well, let me tell you. If you keep up this way, you’ll never be able to protect the ones you want. You’ll ruin your one dream.”

I pulled my braid over one shoulder and let it coil into my hand. I squeezed my fingers around it. “I’m not strong enough.”

“Because you’re broken into pieces. You have to accept that every one of us is you. That your creations are yourself. I won’t go away, darling. I’ll never leave you. You have me, and because of that, you are who you are. Just like I am the way you are.”

My legs curled to the side as I slid into his lap and rested my head on his thigh. I closed my eyes. “Just … just let me rest awhile.”

Keith pulled my bangs back from my brow, winding one of the longer strands around his pinky. “You’ve rested enough. Get up and go. You can beat this, I know you can.”

“Why do you have so much damn faith in me?”

Keith smiled and rested his hand on my shoulder, “Because, whether you want to admit it or not, you have faith in yourself. Because of that, you have hope. If you have hope, you have a future. I’m telling you again, look beyond yourself. Fight for the ones you love. Live your curious life well, because He’ll always be watching and we’ll always be here with our fists in the air rooting you to keep running for the finish line.”

I was getting tired. The sort of tired that sinks into your bones and spreads in an ebbing tide through the rest of you. “What’s past the finish line?” I murmured.

He brushed his knuckles along my jaw bone. “Who knows.”

Keith tipped his head back, lidding his eyes against the sun as he watched thick blotches of clouds roll through the sky.